So…you are going through a divorce and navigating the waters of co-parenting, custody, financial transition and the feelings of isolation and overwhelm.

At the same time, you need to manage your job, your children and their schedules, your social life, your health and wellness, your family and the possibility of a new relationship.

And you wonder, how am I supposed to do all of this?

Have you ever felt that way?

I have….many, many times! And…I am happy to say, that I have learned how to manage all of this and much more!

The following five steps are the first that you will need to master so that you can begin to focus your TIME and ATTENTION on ALL of the areas of your life that need your management.

Step One: Identify each area of your life that needs your attention

The first step towards managing the areas of your life that create a feeling of overwhelm is to identify what each of those areas are.

Some have been listed above, but you may have a business, multiple children with multiple schedules, more than one job, a relationship…

Use one piece of paper for each area of your life and label the top of the page with the name of the area or category that you would like to manage.

Step Two: What is your ultimate, desired outcome for each of these areas

For each area or category, write your desired outcome for what you would ultimately like to accomplish.

For example, let’s use Parenting as the category. Your desired outcome might be to:

“to connect with your children in a meaningful way each day and to influence their moral and values in a positive and productive way. to make sure that they get to all of their activities and commitments in calm and prepared way. to create family time each week that allows for an opportunity for all of you to share the successes and challenges of the week”

This is only an example, but for each category of your life, you need to clearly identify and write out what your desired outcomes are.

Step Three: For each desired outcome, write out WHY you want this outcome

Once you have identified and written out your ultimate desired outcomes, you will need to write WHY you not only want this outcome, but why you MUST create it.

Using the example from above, you might have a WHY that is:

“I must create these outcomes so that I can be the kind of influence and parent that will support my children to become their best selves. To support my children to reach their peak performance and the opportunity to achieve their goals. To create meaningful opportunities to connect with them so that they know I am here for them as they experience both the successes and challenges that come with growing up.”

Your WHY needs to be the reason and the motivation for managing all that you will need to in each category.

Step Four: For each desired outcome, identify what series of tasks has to happen to achieve the outcome

Now that you know what your desired outcome is and WHY you must achieve it, you are ready to list all of the tasks that need to happen to create each outcome.

Do not worry about how long your list of tasks are or how you are going to do them, simply that they need to happen in order to effectively achieve the outcome.

When we allow for these tasks to continuously swirl around our heads during each day, week, month….we gain a growing sense of overwhelm and hopelessness.

Once the complete task list is written out for EACH category and desired outcome, you will be ready to begin to plot them out in your life.

Step Five: Specify when each task absolutely needs to happen to create progress

The tasks that you have written will take two forms…one set have absolute time restrictions and the others do not.

For example, your son may have football practice at 5:00 pm every Monday and Wednesday. That can be put easily into your day/week so that you know where and what you need to be doing at that very moment.

Take all of the time sensitive tasks and plot them in your calendar.

For the tasks that are left, identify which of them can be done and accomplish your desired outcome. If two tasks will each achieve your desired outcome…then they both DO NOT have to be done at the same time. Once can be done now and one can be done later. You can now choose when and how they will get done thereby saving time and spreading out your commitments.

I know that this may seem simplistic…and in some ways it is.

The DISCIPLINE comes in being able to make these five steps a weekly habit that allow you to get the overwhelm out of your head and into a plan that will absolutely achieve the outcomes that you truly desire.

The final piece of guidance I can share with you is the following:

If a task DOES NOT lead to any one of your desired outcomes, then it is not something worth doing and should be eliminated from your calendar, time and attention.

I hope that this helps you to begin to create a new discipline for managing your complicated but wonderful life!

I am here to support you should you wish to talk further about how to make this a part of your daily life!

I hope you will all enjoy this lovely poem about friendships! Take time today to celebrate your friendships!

Only You

by Dawn Nissen

With you, it’s all about
voiceless communication-
always knowing exactly what to say,
but never actually having to say it.

When no one seems to be listening,
you hear.
When I hurt but don’t show it,
you know.
When I turn away to hide my tears,
you see.
When I feel like I can’t get through to anyone,
you understand.

Your eyes glow just for me,
and I know you’re proud.
You flash your magical, healing smile my way,
and I know everything will be all right.

You know everything there is to know about me.
You know what worries me,
what keeps me up at night,
and what shames me so badly
that I can’t share it with anyone.
Most importantly, though,
none of those things bother you.

You’ve restored my faith in people
and proved that there is a thing
called true friendship.

So, now that we have established that the journey of divorce is riddled with feelings of isolation, fear, and overwhelm…what can be done about it?

The first thing, as I have shared already, is to fully understand that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. While it may at times feel that way, it is certainly NOT!

Here are a few ways to address the most common feelings you may have as you move through this process!

Isolation

The feeling of isolation during the journey of divorce can often be paralyzing. Whether in a happy and fulfilling marriage or not, the comfort of sharing a home with someone else fills an emptiness that once divorced, can become lonliness.

Your friends may change, your job may change, you may no longer have your children with you every day and night of the week. Those meals, nights and weekends without a companion or your children, can feel long and lonely.

What is most important is to find comfort in your new life alone and in becoming comfortable in your own space and skin. Easier said than done? Perhaps. But shifting your mindset is the first step.

You now have time to focus on your interests, hobbies, self care, friendships and that oh so scary thing called dating!

Learning to be alone can seem daunting, but give yourself a chance.

Take a walk in a park, by the ocean, around your neighborhood…alone.
Create a sexy, sensual night…with yourself!
Seek out a restaurant that has live music or jazz.

Fear

As I just mentioned, fear can often paralyze us.

The fear of the unknown is what is most scary to us. But what I can tell you is that what you fear the most is far worse than the worst possible outcome if you fought through it.

If you are afraid to address any challenge you are facing, ask yourself to make a commitment to face the fear and do it anyway.

You will begin the cycle of stepping into your power as a woman, feeling the joy of honoring a commitment and the motivation and inspiration that results!

This cycle is what creates your momentum forward and will get you where you want to be!

Overwhelm

Overwhelm comes in many forms and can again, paralyze you from moving forward.

To begin to address your overwhelm, you will need to know where it is coming from.

The following three steps will help you to begin to identify the sources of your greatest overwhelm and start your movement forward.

Step one:
Make a list of all of the areas of your life that are causing you overwhelm. For example finances, children, job….

Step Two:
Within each area, create a list of exactly what two items are causing the greatest amount of anxiety. Be specific and detailed.

For example, not knowing your monthly budget and not balancing your checkbook thereby ignoring your financial reality….

Step Three:
Identify TWO actions you can take TODAY to address each of the items in your lists. And, put next to each action the date by which you will TAKE that action. In other words, your COMMITMENT to them.

I hope that this begins to help you understand what you are going through, the fact that you are NOT alone and what you can do to begin the process of taking action and making things happen!

If you need any additional guidance and support, don’t forget that every initial consultation with me is NO COST to you! My goal is to help you to begin your new life!