How true this is!

Yes. No matter what stage of life you are in, we know that there are sometimes bad days. When going through a separation and divorce, you may find that the frequency of these “bad” days seem to increase.

Your tolerance and patience for the unexpected, unanticipated and overwhelm is dramatically reduced and your emotions are already stretched in managing the enormous transition you are going through.

So you had a bad day….whatcha gonna do about it?

Well, here are my tips for dealing with “those” days:

1. Surrender

When I find myself faced with the unexpected and unwelcome bad day, the first thing that I do is surrender.

I embrace that it is a day that I don’t want to be having and accept that it needs management. I take a deep breath and actually say out loud, “So, today is going to be ONE of those days!”. This allows me to pause for a moment and determine just how I want to approach the day and the issues that are causing the “badness” in the first place.

Part of surrendering is rejecting the instinct to be angry and defensive, and instead, allow for disappointment and sadness. Anger won’t do anything but use energy that you will need to turn the day around so it is best rejected for an open attitude!

2. Let Go

If and when you find yourself faced with one of those days, the easiest thing to do is to Let Go. Let go of what, you ask?

Well, Let Go of what you thought the day was going to be like. Once your head and emotions are thrown off balance for the day, you will most likely be unable to continue along the path you originally intended. So, the best thing you can do for yourself is to allow for a change in plan.

Review what is on your plate and see what can be pushed off to another day…let’s say tomorrow, to free up your ability to manage your day gone awry!

3. Design a New Plan

Now that you have let go of all that you can, the matter at hand is to see how you can turn your current situation into a new plan.

I have found that in embracing this day gone wrong, I also embrace a completely new way of approaching the day.

Often to focus on what matters most…your kids, sleep, eating well, working out…can bring you back to the fundamentals and put the day in perspective. Perspective is what will ultimately put the day back on track.

For example, I will light candles in the house, share with my kids that I am having a bad day, take a bath and either cook or bake something that will smell good and create a “homey” environment. I accept that it is a day that has not gone in the way that I anticipated, and remind myself that once I go to sleep, the day will be over and with tomorrow, a new day will begin!

And sometimes…I allow myself to indulge in a good cry!

You are not alone in having these days…but it is you who gets to CHOOSE how the day will play out.

For your complimentary session, please click here!

How true this is!

Yes. No matter what stage of life you are in, we know that there are sometimes bad days. When going through a separation and divorce, you may find that the frequency of these “bad” days seem to increase.

Your tolerance and patience for the unexpected, unanticipated and overwhelm is dramatically reduced and your emotions are already stretched in managing the enormous transition you are going through.

So you had a bad day….whatcha gonna do about it?

Well, here are my tips for dealing with “those” days:

1. Surrender

When I find myself faced with the unexpected and unwelcome bad day, the first thing that I do is surrender.

I embrace that it is a day that I don’t want to be having and accept that it needs management. I take a deep breath and actually say out loud, “So, today is going to be ONE of those days!”. This allows me to pause for a moment and determine just how I want to approach the day and the issues that are causing the “badness” in the first place.

Part of surrendering is rejecting the instinct to be angry and defensive, and instead, allow for disappointment and sadness. Anger won’t do anything but use energy that you will need to turn the day around so it is best rejected for an open attitude!

2. Let Go

If and when you find yourself faced with one of those days, the easiest thing to do is to Let Go. Let go of what, you ask?

Well, Let Go of what you thought the day was going to be like. Once your head and emotions are thrown off balance for the day, you will most likely be unable to continue along the path you originally intended. So, the best thing you can do for yourself is to allow for a change in plan.

Review what is on your plate and see what can be pushed off to another day…let’s say tomorrow, to free up your ability to manage your day gone awry!

3. Design a New Plan

Now that you have let go of all that you can, the matter at hand is to see how you can turn your current situation into a new plan.

I have found that in embracing this day gone wrong, I also embrace a completely new way of approaching the day.

Often to focus on what matters most…your kids, sleep, eating well, working out…can bring you back to the fundamentals and put the day in perspective. Perspective is what will ultimately put the day back on track.

For example, I will light candles in the house, share with my kids that I am having a bad day, take a bath and either cook or bake something that will smell good and create a “homey” environment. I accept that it is a day that has not gone in the way that I anticipated, and remind myself that once I go to sleep, the day will be over and with tomorrow, a new day will begin!

And sometimes…I allow myself to indulge in a good cry!

You are not alone in having these days…but it is you who gets to CHOOSE how the day will play out.

For your complimentary session, please click here!

So, how will you know if it is time to weed your friendship garden?

Great question. The reason that this is a great question is because it is critical to surround yourself with a group of women and friends who can support you as you move through this transition towards designing your new life.

You will need the motivation, support and encouragement of women who not only wish for your joy and happiness, but who share your desire for creating an exceptional life.

Ask yourself the following questions…do your friends:

• support you in moving forward to create the life you desire?
• embody the same values and principles that you have?
• live their own life of joy and fulfillment?

If not, then it may be time for you to begin the weeding process.

The journey and transition of divorce often results in the transformation of all areas of your life…professional, financial, social, recreational…. Many times, good friends are overwhelmed by the enormity of change that someone going through a divorce is experiencing. And frequently, they are not sure how to react.

Although your friendships may continue along unchanged, it is more likely that they will begin their own transition. And that is ok. In fact, it’s normal.

Here are a few things to keep in mind as you begin your own journey and face the inevitable transitioning of your friendships as well.

1. share your vision with your friends.

It is important that you share your desires, goals and vision of what you want to create going forward with your friends. Many times our friends are unsure of what to say and how to communicate with us during and after our divorce. Sometimes they are torn between befriending you or your EX. Sometimes they are overwhelmed and uncomfortable with the changes we are going through. And sometimes they are afraid that this could happen to them and they don’t want to face it.

When you take the opportunity to share with them what you are going through and what your vision for moving forward is, you will immediately get a sense of where your friends are at. She may be distant and withdrawn. She may be jealous. She may be angry at you for making her face her own dissatisfaction with her own life.

Or, you may be surprised and she may simply offer her long lasting support of you and all that your journey will bring to your life.

However each friend reacts, it is normal and not your fault. Your attention and intention must remain on what you want to CREATE for yourself. Your commitment to your friends is to be open and honest, leaving the door open for a continued friendship.

2. don’t take it personally.

If a friend is unable or unwilling to continue a friendship as you move forward along your journey, you can’t take it personally. It is not a rejection of you, but rather a discomfort with the magnitude of change that you are going through.

It is important to let go of what was, and look forward to what will be. Each friendship will take on its own transition as you move from married life to divorce lifestyle. It is okay to allow certain friendships to drift away, for the space where that friendship was, becomes available for something new.

Letting go is theme that emerges when we go through the transition of divorce. Allowing things to leave that are not in alignment with who you are and what you are now creating is critical to beginning to design the life that you desire.

Just as we sometimes sabotage ourselves and listen to our inner voice of limiting beliefs and fears, we can also cling to friendships and relationships that hold us back.

Now is the time to let go of those friendships that do not serve us and hold us back from becoming all that we dream and desire.

3. planting new seeds.

There will inevitably be sadness and loss associated with letting go of friendships, but the space that is created will be available for planting new seeds. You may feel lonliness and fear as familiar relationships are no longer there, but the excitement of new opportunities will replace those feelings.

Making new friends is easy to do with the other “moms” in town, but now these new friendships will be around you and you alone. College may have been the last time you freely opened yourself up to new friends.

This will feel frightening and uncomfortable, but remember this….EVERY woman who has gone through or is going through a divorce feels EXACTLY the same way. And we are each eager to connect and surround ourselves with women of shared experiences and a common vision.

Taking steps to connect to other women around your vision and goals will be essential as you move forward. Today, with the technology and opportunities available through the internet, there are countless possibilities for connecting with groups of women.

www.meetup.com
www.ning.com
professional networking groups
women’s conferences and expos

All of these open the door to women all seeking the comfort and support of other women. And the benefit and reward of engaging in these activities are too numerous to name.

My final word of wisdom for you is to Face the FEAR, and Do It ANYWAY!

Should you need a professional hand holder….feel free to contact me for a complimentary session!

For your complimentary session, please click here!

Divorce is a journey. And it is a new beginning for you.

And for each of us, the journey is unique.

Yet there are aspects of the journey which are the same for all of us. We all go through periods of anger, grief and sadness. We all have to take stock of our finances. For those of us with children, we all have to help them in the best way possible. And, we all have to create a new life for ourselves in the process.

Through my practice, I look forward to working with clients to help them move forward, begin their journey of self-discovery and create the life they desire.

When you are a client in a coaching relationship you can expect the following. Each week, we will take steps to achieve the goals you set for yourself. As we work together, I will support you to be more successful, focused and strong. You will also begin to see wonderful, thrilling changes occur within yourself. Through our partnership, you will become the champion of your own destiny.

A successful coaching relationship requires you to

• Commit to creating the life you are meant to lead.
• Be responsible for the results of your coaching experience.
• Commit to the coaching sessions and take action each week.
• Be honest with yourself, and your coach, even if it feels uncomfortable.
• Open yourself up to new opportunities and possibilities.

A successful coaching relationship requires your coach, to

• Support and encourage your visions, dreams and goals.
• Provide a structure that supports you in making conscious choices.
• Ask you to reach beyond your present limitations and move forward from your present state to your ideal one.
• Be an objective listener.
• Tell the truth: give you straight feedback.
• Encourage you to look at yourself, your life and your choices differently.
• Challenge you to rediscover who you are and what you want your life to look like.

How a coaching relationship will best work:

Coaching works when there are two factors present:

1. The client is willing to grow and take action.
2. A gap exists between where they are now and where they want to be.

These ideal factors enable us to collaborate in a relationship that provides clarity, identifies obstacles and facilitates useful solutions.

With a coach, you will take bold and empowering steps.

You will experience forward movement because you set the goals you really want to achieve. The first task together is identifying exactly what you desire for yourself. Your coach will help you to distinguish between what you have and what you passionately want for yourself in your heart of hearts. Once you create your ideal goals, it is natural for you to take steps to reach them on a consistent basis.

Simple, simpler, simplest.

This is my mantra. Your coach will help you clear your head of the mental clutter and create clarity around your priorities. When you have a partner you trust, that person will always challenge you to reach deeper within yourself to make strides. That is exactly what your coach will be to you.

Make better decisions for yourself.

You will never leave asking the question, “What do I do next?”
Your focus will always be clear. Every single client is smart, perceptive and talented, but not always focused. You will identify your challenges, desires and dreams with someone who understands you and is subjective enough to want you to be your best, yet objective enough not to be biased or self-serving.

A Divorce Coach will support you to create the life you both imagine and deserve….as I have said many times.

They do not have the magic answer, but rather will help you to break old patterns of behavior and self sabotage, while at the same time supporting you to create a new blueprint from which to live your life.

I hope you will consider a complimentary session to see how coaching can support you.

For your complimentary session, please click here!

As summer comes to a close and fall gets underway…the looming winter months can cause many an impending sense of coldness, depression and isolation.

Recently, a number of my clients have been trying to understand why they haven’t manifested a new love and relationship.

• Why they can’t find ANYONE “good” to date?
• Why no one asks them out?
• Why they feel unable to make a relationship work?

As I mentioned, as we approach winter, we are often scared of what that cold isolation will feel like…especially knowing that the holidays are an emotional time for divorcing/divorced families and without a romantic interest to share them with.

We are in what is called “Early Winter”, a time when preparation for the winter ahead is necessary.

1. You feel incredibly tired.

2. You don’t want to do what you usually do.

3. You feel like you don’t know anything.

When I am asked “What am I doing wrong”, it usually means that you are working TOO hard to get something that you may not have clearly identified as wanting?

What do I mean by this?

Well, attracting and manifesting love or a romantic interest/relationship is less about the “guy” and more about you.

The following myths are what usually hold us back from attracting and receiving a new love:

The truth is that you will NEVER find a new relationship unless you are crystal clear about what you want and what your ideal relationship looks and feels like.

Most women THINK they know what they want, but when forced to really explore and identify what they want…it is most often different than what they thought.

You will attract what you focus on, so be clear about what is REALLY most important to you in a relationship.

As a matter of fact, dating for the sake of dating can be a lonely, isolating and depressing activity.

Better than spending your time “serial dating”, take some of that time to do the things you LOVE to do…the things that make you feel HAPPY and FULFILLED!

Take a walk, spend the day visiting museums or galleries, take a class, learn a new skill or hobby, create special time with your kids or friends….

Focus on what you LOVE to do and the rest will happen!

There are as many men, single fathers, who feel as unsure as there are women! We are all under the false assumption that our age, roles, responsibilities….will prevent us from attracting and fully embracing a new romance.

You are all familiar with divorce statistics, so you are also all aware that there are THOUSANDS of single/divorced men and women out there.

When you focus on this as your EXCUSE for not manifesting a new relationship, then you are engaging in self sabotage. If this is your focus, then this is your energy and exactly what others…including men, will feel from you.

When your focus is on YOU and all of the amazing gifts that you offer as a woman, mother, friend….then this becomes what others will feel and be attracted to.

The greatest mistake that is made is to believe that when you have a romantic relationship, all of your “challenges” will miraculously disappear and that you will float on clouds of happiness all day!

As divorce women and single mothers…we have many areas of our lives that need our attention. Our intimate relationship is only one of those areas!

The greatest gift you can give yourself is to create a life that is full of joy and fulfillment so that when you do attract a loving relationship, you can SHARE it with him/her!

When you focus your attention on creating this kind of fulfillment in your life, you will attract people that want to feel that kind of joy and energy!
Early Winter is the perfect time for gaining clarity on all of these areas! McClelland suggests that this is a time to renew, create quiet time in your life, reconnect with your essence, and practice purposeful reflection. And, she also cautions against the following, which she feel pulls you to “detour” from what you really need to be doing:

• staying busy – DON’T create busyness to avoid the self reflection that is needed during this time
• starting something new – DON’T create something new that will distract you from the planning to find clarity and a solid direction
• forcing yourself to be happy – DON’T pretend to be happy when you really need to heal from old transitions

I hope this helps to prepare you for the wonderful Winter Solstice that is in our future!