How true this is!

Yes. No matter what stage of life you are in, we know that there are sometimes bad days. When going through a separation and divorce, you may find that the frequency of these “bad” days seem to increase.

Your tolerance and patience for the unexpected, unanticipated and overwhelm is dramatically reduced and your emotions are already stretched in managing the enormous transition you are going through.

So you had a bad day….whatcha gonna do about it?

Well, here are my tips for dealing with “those” days:

1. Surrender

When I find myself faced with the unexpected and unwelcome bad day, the first thing that I do is surrender.

I embrace that it is a day that I don’t want to be having and accept that it needs management. I take a deep breath and actually say out loud, “So, today is going to be ONE of those days!”. This allows me to pause for a moment and determine just how I want to approach the day and the issues that are causing the “badness” in the first place.

Part of surrendering is rejecting the instinct to be angry and defensive, and instead, allow for disappointment and sadness. Anger won’t do anything but use energy that you will need to turn the day around so it is best rejected for an open attitude!

2. Let Go

If and when you find yourself faced with one of those days, the easiest thing to do is to Let Go. Let go of what, you ask?

Well, Let Go of what you thought the day was going to be like. Once your head and emotions are thrown off balance for the day, you will most likely be unable to continue along the path you originally intended. So, the best thing you can do for yourself is to allow for a change in plan.

Review what is on your plate and see what can be pushed off to another day…let’s say tomorrow, to free up your ability to manage your day gone awry!

3. Design a New Plan

Now that you have let go of all that you can, the matter at hand is to see how you can turn your current situation into a new plan.

I have found that in embracing this day gone wrong, I also embrace a completely new way of approaching the day.

Often to focus on what matters most…your kids, sleep, eating well, working out…can bring you back to the fundamentals and put the day in perspective. Perspective is what will ultimately put the day back on track.

For example, I will light candles in the house, share with my kids that I am having a bad day, take a bath and either cook or bake something that will smell good and create a “homey” environment. I accept that it is a day that has not gone in the way that I anticipated, and remind myself that once I go to sleep, the day will be over and with tomorrow, a new day will begin!

And sometimes…I allow myself to indulge in a good cry!

You are not alone in having these days…but it is you who gets to CHOOSE how the day will play out.

For your complimentary session, please click here!

How true this is!

Yes. No matter what stage of life you are in, we know that there are sometimes bad days. When going through a separation and divorce, you may find that the frequency of these “bad” days seem to increase.

Your tolerance and patience for the unexpected, unanticipated and overwhelm is dramatically reduced and your emotions are already stretched in managing the enormous transition you are going through.

So you had a bad day….whatcha gonna do about it?

Well, here are my tips for dealing with “those” days:

1. Surrender

When I find myself faced with the unexpected and unwelcome bad day, the first thing that I do is surrender.

I embrace that it is a day that I don’t want to be having and accept that it needs management. I take a deep breath and actually say out loud, “So, today is going to be ONE of those days!”. This allows me to pause for a moment and determine just how I want to approach the day and the issues that are causing the “badness” in the first place.

Part of surrendering is rejecting the instinct to be angry and defensive, and instead, allow for disappointment and sadness. Anger won’t do anything but use energy that you will need to turn the day around so it is best rejected for an open attitude!

2. Let Go

If and when you find yourself faced with one of those days, the easiest thing to do is to Let Go. Let go of what, you ask?

Well, Let Go of what you thought the day was going to be like. Once your head and emotions are thrown off balance for the day, you will most likely be unable to continue along the path you originally intended. So, the best thing you can do for yourself is to allow for a change in plan.

Review what is on your plate and see what can be pushed off to another day…let’s say tomorrow, to free up your ability to manage your day gone awry!

3. Design a New Plan

Now that you have let go of all that you can, the matter at hand is to see how you can turn your current situation into a new plan.

I have found that in embracing this day gone wrong, I also embrace a completely new way of approaching the day.

Often to focus on what matters most…your kids, sleep, eating well, working out…can bring you back to the fundamentals and put the day in perspective. Perspective is what will ultimately put the day back on track.

For example, I will light candles in the house, share with my kids that I am having a bad day, take a bath and either cook or bake something that will smell good and create a “homey” environment. I accept that it is a day that has not gone in the way that I anticipated, and remind myself that once I go to sleep, the day will be over and with tomorrow, a new day will begin!

And sometimes…I allow myself to indulge in a good cry!

You are not alone in having these days…but it is you who gets to CHOOSE how the day will play out.

For your complimentary session, please click here!

So, how will you know if it is time to weed your friendship garden?

Great question. The reason that this is a great question is because it is critical to surround yourself with a group of women and friends who can support you as you move through this transition towards designing your new life.

You will need the motivation, support and encouragement of women who not only wish for your joy and happiness, but who share your desire for creating an exceptional life.

Ask yourself the following questions…do your friends:

• support you in moving forward to create the life you desire?
• embody the same values and principles that you have?
• live their own life of joy and fulfillment?

If not, then it may be time for you to begin the weeding process.

The journey and transition of divorce often results in the transformation of all areas of your life…professional, financial, social, recreational…. Many times, good friends are overwhelmed by the enormity of change that someone going through a divorce is experiencing. And frequently, they are not sure how to react.

Although your friendships may continue along unchanged, it is more likely that they will begin their own transition. And that is ok. In fact, it’s normal.

Here are a few things to keep in mind as you begin your own journey and face the inevitable transitioning of your friendships as well.

1. share your vision with your friends.

It is important that you share your desires, goals and vision of what you want to create going forward with your friends. Many times our friends are unsure of what to say and how to communicate with us during and after our divorce. Sometimes they are torn between befriending you or your EX. Sometimes they are overwhelmed and uncomfortable with the changes we are going through. And sometimes they are afraid that this could happen to them and they don’t want to face it.

When you take the opportunity to share with them what you are going through and what your vision for moving forward is, you will immediately get a sense of where your friends are at. She may be distant and withdrawn. She may be jealous. She may be angry at you for making her face her own dissatisfaction with her own life.

Or, you may be surprised and she may simply offer her long lasting support of you and all that your journey will bring to your life.

However each friend reacts, it is normal and not your fault. Your attention and intention must remain on what you want to CREATE for yourself. Your commitment to your friends is to be open and honest, leaving the door open for a continued friendship.

2. don’t take it personally.

If a friend is unable or unwilling to continue a friendship as you move forward along your journey, you can’t take it personally. It is not a rejection of you, but rather a discomfort with the magnitude of change that you are going through.

It is important to let go of what was, and look forward to what will be. Each friendship will take on its own transition as you move from married life to divorce lifestyle. It is okay to allow certain friendships to drift away, for the space where that friendship was, becomes available for something new.

Letting go is theme that emerges when we go through the transition of divorce. Allowing things to leave that are not in alignment with who you are and what you are now creating is critical to beginning to design the life that you desire.

Just as we sometimes sabotage ourselves and listen to our inner voice of limiting beliefs and fears, we can also cling to friendships and relationships that hold us back.

Now is the time to let go of those friendships that do not serve us and hold us back from becoming all that we dream and desire.

3. planting new seeds.

There will inevitably be sadness and loss associated with letting go of friendships, but the space that is created will be available for planting new seeds. You may feel lonliness and fear as familiar relationships are no longer there, but the excitement of new opportunities will replace those feelings.

Making new friends is easy to do with the other “moms” in town, but now these new friendships will be around you and you alone. College may have been the last time you freely opened yourself up to new friends.

This will feel frightening and uncomfortable, but remember this….EVERY woman who has gone through or is going through a divorce feels EXACTLY the same way. And we are each eager to connect and surround ourselves with women of shared experiences and a common vision.

Taking steps to connect to other women around your vision and goals will be essential as you move forward. Today, with the technology and opportunities available through the internet, there are countless possibilities for connecting with groups of women.

www.meetup.com
www.ning.com
professional networking groups
women’s conferences and expos

All of these open the door to women all seeking the comfort and support of other women. And the benefit and reward of engaging in these activities are too numerous to name.

My final word of wisdom for you is to Face the FEAR, and Do It ANYWAY!

Should you need a professional hand holder….feel free to contact me for a complimentary session!

For your complimentary session, please click here!

Divorce is a journey. And it is a new beginning for you.

And for each of us, the journey is unique.

Yet there are aspects of the journey which are the same for all of us. We all go through periods of anger, grief and sadness. We all have to take stock of our finances. For those of us with children, we all have to help them in the best way possible. And, we all have to create a new life for ourselves in the process.

Through my practice, I look forward to working with clients to help them move forward, begin their journey of self-discovery and create the life they desire.

When you are a client in a coaching relationship you can expect the following. Each week, we will take steps to achieve the goals you set for yourself. As we work together, I will support you to be more successful, focused and strong. You will also begin to see wonderful, thrilling changes occur within yourself. Through our partnership, you will become the champion of your own destiny.

A successful coaching relationship requires you to

• Commit to creating the life you are meant to lead.
• Be responsible for the results of your coaching experience.
• Commit to the coaching sessions and take action each week.
• Be honest with yourself, and your coach, even if it feels uncomfortable.
• Open yourself up to new opportunities and possibilities.

A successful coaching relationship requires your coach, to

• Support and encourage your visions, dreams and goals.
• Provide a structure that supports you in making conscious choices.
• Ask you to reach beyond your present limitations and move forward from your present state to your ideal one.
• Be an objective listener.
• Tell the truth: give you straight feedback.
• Encourage you to look at yourself, your life and your choices differently.
• Challenge you to rediscover who you are and what you want your life to look like.

How a coaching relationship will best work:

Coaching works when there are two factors present:

1. The client is willing to grow and take action.
2. A gap exists between where they are now and where they want to be.

These ideal factors enable us to collaborate in a relationship that provides clarity, identifies obstacles and facilitates useful solutions.

With a coach, you will take bold and empowering steps.

You will experience forward movement because you set the goals you really want to achieve. The first task together is identifying exactly what you desire for yourself. Your coach will help you to distinguish between what you have and what you passionately want for yourself in your heart of hearts. Once you create your ideal goals, it is natural for you to take steps to reach them on a consistent basis.

Simple, simpler, simplest.

This is my mantra. Your coach will help you clear your head of the mental clutter and create clarity around your priorities. When you have a partner you trust, that person will always challenge you to reach deeper within yourself to make strides. That is exactly what your coach will be to you.

Make better decisions for yourself.

You will never leave asking the question, “What do I do next?”
Your focus will always be clear. Every single client is smart, perceptive and talented, but not always focused. You will identify your challenges, desires and dreams with someone who understands you and is subjective enough to want you to be your best, yet objective enough not to be biased or self-serving.

A Divorce Coach will support you to create the life you both imagine and deserve….as I have said many times.

They do not have the magic answer, but rather will help you to break old patterns of behavior and self sabotage, while at the same time supporting you to create a new blueprint from which to live your life.

I hope you will consider a complimentary session to see how coaching can support you.

For your complimentary session, please click here!

As summer comes to a close and fall gets underway…the looming winter months can cause many an impending sense of coldness, depression and isolation.

Recently, a number of my clients have been trying to understand why they haven’t manifested a new love and relationship.

• Why they can’t find ANYONE “good” to date?
• Why no one asks them out?
• Why they feel unable to make a relationship work?

As I mentioned, as we approach winter, we are often scared of what that cold isolation will feel like…especially knowing that the holidays are an emotional time for divorcing/divorced families and without a romantic interest to share them with.

We are in what is called “Early Winter”, a time when preparation for the winter ahead is necessary.

1. You feel incredibly tired.

2. You don’t want to do what you usually do.

3. You feel like you don’t know anything.

When I am asked “What am I doing wrong”, it usually means that you are working TOO hard to get something that you may not have clearly identified as wanting?

What do I mean by this?

Well, attracting and manifesting love or a romantic interest/relationship is less about the “guy” and more about you.

The following myths are what usually hold us back from attracting and receiving a new love:

The truth is that you will NEVER find a new relationship unless you are crystal clear about what you want and what your ideal relationship looks and feels like.

Most women THINK they know what they want, but when forced to really explore and identify what they want…it is most often different than what they thought.

You will attract what you focus on, so be clear about what is REALLY most important to you in a relationship.

As a matter of fact, dating for the sake of dating can be a lonely, isolating and depressing activity.

Better than spending your time “serial dating”, take some of that time to do the things you LOVE to do…the things that make you feel HAPPY and FULFILLED!

Take a walk, spend the day visiting museums or galleries, take a class, learn a new skill or hobby, create special time with your kids or friends….

Focus on what you LOVE to do and the rest will happen!

There are as many men, single fathers, who feel as unsure as there are women! We are all under the false assumption that our age, roles, responsibilities….will prevent us from attracting and fully embracing a new romance.

You are all familiar with divorce statistics, so you are also all aware that there are THOUSANDS of single/divorced men and women out there.

When you focus on this as your EXCUSE for not manifesting a new relationship, then you are engaging in self sabotage. If this is your focus, then this is your energy and exactly what others…including men, will feel from you.

When your focus is on YOU and all of the amazing gifts that you offer as a woman, mother, friend….then this becomes what others will feel and be attracted to.

The greatest mistake that is made is to believe that when you have a romantic relationship, all of your “challenges” will miraculously disappear and that you will float on clouds of happiness all day!

As divorce women and single mothers…we have many areas of our lives that need our attention. Our intimate relationship is only one of those areas!

The greatest gift you can give yourself is to create a life that is full of joy and fulfillment so that when you do attract a loving relationship, you can SHARE it with him/her!

When you focus your attention on creating this kind of fulfillment in your life, you will attract people that want to feel that kind of joy and energy!
Early Winter is the perfect time for gaining clarity on all of these areas! McClelland suggests that this is a time to renew, create quiet time in your life, reconnect with your essence, and practice purposeful reflection. And, she also cautions against the following, which she feel pulls you to “detour” from what you really need to be doing:

• staying busy – DON’T create busyness to avoid the self reflection that is needed during this time
• starting something new – DON’T create something new that will distract you from the planning to find clarity and a solid direction
• forcing yourself to be happy – DON’T pretend to be happy when you really need to heal from old transitions

I hope this helps to prepare you for the wonderful Winter Solstice that is in our future!

So…you are going through a divorce and navigating the waters of co-parenting, custody, financial transition and the feelings of isolation and overwhelm.

At the same time, you need to manage your job, your children and their schedules, your social life, your health and wellness, your family and the possibility of a new relationship.

And you wonder, how am I supposed to do all of this?

Have you ever felt that way?

I have….many, many times! And…I am happy to say, that I have learned how to manage all of this and much more!

The following five steps are the first that you will need to master so that you can begin to focus your TIME and ATTENTION on ALL of the areas of your life that need your management.

Step One: Identify each area of your life that needs your attention

The first step towards managing the areas of your life that create a feeling of overwhelm is to identify what each of those areas are.

Some have been listed above, but you may have a business, multiple children with multiple schedules, more than one job, a relationship…

Use one piece of paper for each area of your life and label the top of the page with the name of the area or category that you would like to manage.

Step Two: What is your ultimate, desired outcome for each of these areas

For each area or category, write your desired outcome for what you would ultimately like to accomplish.

For example, let’s use Parenting as the category. Your desired outcome might be to:

“to connect with your children in a meaningful way each day and to influence their moral and values in a positive and productive way. to make sure that they get to all of their activities and commitments in calm and prepared way. to create family time each week that allows for an opportunity for all of you to share the successes and challenges of the week”

This is only an example, but for each category of your life, you need to clearly identify and write out what your desired outcomes are.

Step Three: For each desired outcome, write out WHY you want this outcome

Once you have identified and written out your ultimate desired outcomes, you will need to write WHY you not only want this outcome, but why you MUST create it.

Using the example from above, you might have a WHY that is:

“I must create these outcomes so that I can be the kind of influence and parent that will support my children to become their best selves. To support my children to reach their peak performance and the opportunity to achieve their goals. To create meaningful opportunities to connect with them so that they know I am here for them as they experience both the successes and challenges that come with growing up.”

Your WHY needs to be the reason and the motivation for managing all that you will need to in each category.

Step Four: For each desired outcome, identify what series of tasks has to happen to achieve the outcome

Now that you know what your desired outcome is and WHY you must achieve it, you are ready to list all of the tasks that need to happen to create each outcome.

Do not worry about how long your list of tasks are or how you are going to do them, simply that they need to happen in order to effectively achieve the outcome.

When we allow for these tasks to continuously swirl around our heads during each day, week, month….we gain a growing sense of overwhelm and hopelessness.

Once the complete task list is written out for EACH category and desired outcome, you will be ready to begin to plot them out in your life.

Step Five: Specify when each task absolutely needs to happen to create progress

The tasks that you have written will take two forms…one set have absolute time restrictions and the others do not.

For example, your son may have football practice at 5:00 pm every Monday and Wednesday. That can be put easily into your day/week so that you know where and what you need to be doing at that very moment.

Take all of the time sensitive tasks and plot them in your calendar.

For the tasks that are left, identify which of them can be done and accomplish your desired outcome. If two tasks will each achieve your desired outcome…then they both DO NOT have to be done at the same time. Once can be done now and one can be done later. You can now choose when and how they will get done thereby saving time and spreading out your commitments.

I know that this may seem simplistic…and in some ways it is.

The DISCIPLINE comes in being able to make these five steps a weekly habit that allow you to get the overwhelm out of your head and into a plan that will absolutely achieve the outcomes that you truly desire.

The final piece of guidance I can share with you is the following:

If a task DOES NOT lead to any one of your desired outcomes, then it is not something worth doing and should be eliminated from your calendar, time and attention.

I hope that this helps you to begin to create a new discipline for managing your complicated but wonderful life!

I am here to support you should you wish to talk further about how to make this a part of your daily life!

I hope you will all enjoy this lovely poem about friendships! Take time today to celebrate your friendships!

Only You

by Dawn Nissen

With you, it’s all about
voiceless communication-
always knowing exactly what to say,
but never actually having to say it.

When no one seems to be listening,
you hear.
When I hurt but don’t show it,
you know.
When I turn away to hide my tears,
you see.
When I feel like I can’t get through to anyone,
you understand.

Your eyes glow just for me,
and I know you’re proud.
You flash your magical, healing smile my way,
and I know everything will be all right.

You know everything there is to know about me.
You know what worries me,
what keeps me up at night,
and what shames me so badly
that I can’t share it with anyone.
Most importantly, though,
none of those things bother you.

You’ve restored my faith in people
and proved that there is a thing
called true friendship.

So, now that we have established that the journey of divorce is riddled with feelings of isolation, fear, and overwhelm…what can be done about it?

The first thing, as I have shared already, is to fully understand that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. While it may at times feel that way, it is certainly NOT!

Here are a few ways to address the most common feelings you may have as you move through this process!

Isolation

The feeling of isolation during the journey of divorce can often be paralyzing. Whether in a happy and fulfilling marriage or not, the comfort of sharing a home with someone else fills an emptiness that once divorced, can become lonliness.

Your friends may change, your job may change, you may no longer have your children with you every day and night of the week. Those meals, nights and weekends without a companion or your children, can feel long and lonely.

What is most important is to find comfort in your new life alone and in becoming comfortable in your own space and skin. Easier said than done? Perhaps. But shifting your mindset is the first step.

You now have time to focus on your interests, hobbies, self care, friendships and that oh so scary thing called dating!

Learning to be alone can seem daunting, but give yourself a chance.

Take a walk in a park, by the ocean, around your neighborhood…alone.
Create a sexy, sensual night…with yourself!
Seek out a restaurant that has live music or jazz.

Fear

As I just mentioned, fear can often paralyze us.

The fear of the unknown is what is most scary to us. But what I can tell you is that what you fear the most is far worse than the worst possible outcome if you fought through it.

If you are afraid to address any challenge you are facing, ask yourself to make a commitment to face the fear and do it anyway.

You will begin the cycle of stepping into your power as a woman, feeling the joy of honoring a commitment and the motivation and inspiration that results!

This cycle is what creates your momentum forward and will get you where you want to be!

Overwhelm

Overwhelm comes in many forms and can again, paralyze you from moving forward.

To begin to address your overwhelm, you will need to know where it is coming from.

The following three steps will help you to begin to identify the sources of your greatest overwhelm and start your movement forward.

Step one:
Make a list of all of the areas of your life that are causing you overwhelm. For example finances, children, job….

Step Two:
Within each area, create a list of exactly what two items are causing the greatest amount of anxiety. Be specific and detailed.

For example, not knowing your monthly budget and not balancing your checkbook thereby ignoring your financial reality….

Step Three:
Identify TWO actions you can take TODAY to address each of the items in your lists. And, put next to each action the date by which you will TAKE that action. In other words, your COMMITMENT to them.

I hope that this begins to help you understand what you are going through, the fact that you are NOT alone and what you can do to begin the process of taking action and making things happen!

If you need any additional guidance and support, don’t forget that every initial consultation with me is NO COST to you! My goal is to help you to begin your new life!

So where is someone to help us to get ready for “back to school”?

I often tell my mother that just because I got married, had children and got divorced…who said that I didn’t need a mother to get me ready for “back to school” time?!

I will be putting these all on my site at the following link, but please be patient with me as I add more and more details as I get them ready to launch!

http://www.lauracampbellcompanies.com/events-workshops

Here is just a brief outline of what I have planned for you so that no matter what your time, energy and financial resources are….there is something for you to support yourself as YOU prepare to make this fall the BEST EVER!

Teleclasses:

Divorce Mastery: Your New Three R’s – Regroup, Renew and Reinvent
4 week teleclass on Mondays beginning on September 14

Forget reading, ‘riting and ‘rithmetic! Your new three Rs are regroup, renew and reinvent. It’s time to be schooled in what these words mean to you as a woman and how they can power you through life’s transitions.

• Are you tired of being overwhelmed and stressed everyday?
• Do you feel that your divorce is controlling your life?
• Are you ready to gain control and create the life that you imagine and deserve?
• Do you want to know what to do next?

If your answer to any of these questions is YES, then this is the programs for you!

Where Divorce Ends, Your Destiny Begins Telesummit
Monday and Wednesday Evenings, 9:00 – 10:00 pm EST
Begins on October 12, 2009

• 4 Weeks
• 8 Amazing Guest Experts
• MP3’s
• Special Offers and Gifts

This telesummit is designed to introduce you to experts in the field of MOVING FORWARD through and after divorce! Join me and this talented group of women for a fantastic month of creating YOUR extraordinary life! Topics will include financial, legal, relationship, passion, and finding balance!!!

Live Workshops and Programs:

Power, Passion and Play: Reclaiming it all!
September 17, 2009 6:30 – 8:30 pm
BedroomMatters, Westport, Connecticut

• Would you like more Joy and Fulfillment in your life?
• Would you like to feel happier, more at ease, and excited about waking up every morning?
• Would you like to live a life On Fire?

Join Life Reinvention Coaches, Laura Campbell, www.discoverthedspot.com, Janice Christopher and Alex Keleman, www.lifecoach22.com , and take The Passion Test!

The Passion Test is a simple, yet powerful tool to get clear on the five things that matter most to you and then a process to make those five things a priority in your life. Come and experience it for yourself! At the end of the workshop you’ll be clear on your top 5 Passions and you will be able to envision the new possibilities for your life!

The Passion Circle
Tuesday evenings, 6:30 – 8:00, every other week
Two locations:
New Haven, Connecticut
Guilford, Connecticut

The Passion Circle is a six session program designed to put Power, Passion and Play into ACTION!

In this program you will learn:

Power: What do we mean when we talk about POWER and how you can RECLAIM your power as a woman!

Passion: Who are you, what are your passions and how can tell if you are living your life according to them!

Play: How do you put your Passions into ACTION! How can you create your new life ON FIRE and design your personal destiny!

Special Appearances:

Connecticut Women’s Expo
September 12-13, 2009 at the CT Expo Center!
Checkout the Expo and register at http://www.ctexpos.com/cwe/

Greater Atlanta Women’s Expo and Empowerment Conference
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Checkout the Expo and register at http://www.gawomensexpo.com/

My mission and life purpose is to support you as you move through and forward after your divorce!

I hope that there is something in this “toolbox” of resources that resonates with you and that you are able to participate in…it is certainly always my pleasure to serve you!

So it seems that as we move closer to the first day of school, our focus shifts to our children and how we can successfully prepare them for peak performance this year.

Not only have a heard from many of you personally about how you can help your children through the transition of divorce, but it has been a common theme in all of my client work, groups and workshops.

Therefore, I have decided to share a few thoughts as you prepare your kids for their new school year!

The following “thoughts” are meant for you to contemplate and explore. There is no right or wrong in divorce, only daily improvement and commitment to moving forward!

Remember, every day is an opportunity to begin anew. To make change and commit to a new way of approaching your life…and your role as a mother!

First, the best way to support your children is to support yourself!

It is clear that as mothers, we fear that our divorce may “scar” are children or somehow “ruin” their lives. Mostly, because this is how WE feel.

Children are like animals. Not in a bad way, but rather, they are acutely aware of what is going on around them. They will absorb all that you are feeling and experiencing…even if you try to cover it up with a smile and “forced happiness”.

The best thing you can do to help your children with their transition is to help yourself.

If you are sad, they are sadder.
If you are angry, they are angrier.
If you make excuses and blame, so will they.

They need YOU to be happy, whole and fulfilled. They look to us as their mothers to show them that we can move through difficult situations and still be okay. Take the opportunity NOW to get yourself support and to heal yourself so that you can begin your journey of creating your ideal life and guide them to creating their own.

Second, your focus should only be on that which you can control.

I have learned, through my own journey of self discovery and personal development, to focus only on what I CAN control.

If you can’t control something, then there is no reason to devote one moment of emotion, focus or energy on it.

This has never been more true than in the case of divorce. What your ex does or doesn’t do is not only outside of your control, but it’s no longer your business unless it violates financial obligations and threatens the health and safety of your children. Even if it upsets you or your children.

What you CAN control is your own emotion, words and behavior and creating a life for yourself and your children that is full of joy, fulfillment and abundance. Therefore, you must focus on your life, your home, your environment and your responsibilities.

What you say, what you do and how you act is YOUR CHOICE. You can’t blame anyone…not even your Ex, for your choices. Your children will need to see you assume responsibility for what happens in your life going forward. This teaches them to be accountable for what happens in their own lives.

Third, you ARE a whole family.

Just because you are divorced, does not mean that your family is “broken” or that you are no longer a family. When you make this your “vision” of what you are, it is exactly what your children will feel…broken, destroyed. Is this what you want?

Your family is simply DIFFERENT than it was before the divorce.

Take some time to vision about what you want your relationship to look like with your children.

• What do you want your relationship with them to look like?
• how do you want that time with them to feel?
• what do you want to experience when you are with them?

It is up to YOU to create the experiences that you have with your children. You can create the family that you imagine. Blaming your EX is an excuse not to create the relationship that YOU want with your children.

Create the environment that you want them to have.
Create situations that enable them to feel good, empowered, successful!
You don’t need permission to be the kind of parent that you want them to have!

Fourth, YOU are the parent, adult and role model.

It is now up to YOU and YOU alone to model for your children what you want to teach them.

It doesn’t matter what your ex husband does.
It doesn’t matter what your ex husband doesn’t do.

Your only responsibility now is to be the kind of model for your children that you want to be.

They are looking. Always watching and absorbing what they see. They look to us for how to act. How to react. How to think and how to solve problems.

If you want to support your children, be clear on what your values are and what you stand for.

Be strong in your commitment to those values and how an adult should behave.

We are the ones that will be teaching our children to be strong, confident and fulfilled young men and women. And we do it by our everyday actions and behaviors. What we say, do and act…that is what we teach!

Lastly, the power of language.

There is no greater power than the power of language. We have opportunities everyday to connect with our children around the way we communicate.

If your ex is behaving in a way that causes your child(ren) sadness and disappointment, it is not your problem to solve.

However, it is an opportunity to create a safe and comfortable environment for them to articulate and share with you what they are feeling. They can only do that if you listen without judgement or criticism. They are NOT looking for you to share how much you hate and despise their father, they are looking for a way to communicate their sadness. LISTEN.

Communicate with them through compassion and honesty. They are unhappy, they did not choose the divorce.

But they love you and they love their father…no matter what either of you do.

They are children and your divorce has nothing to do with them.

The greatest gift you can give your children is the language to communicate how they feel and the confidence to share how they feel.

It’s all within you when you step into your Power as a Woman and Mother.

I hope that these “thoughts” have given you something to think about and reflect upon.

The role of a Mother is a powerful one and one that you need no training in! You have it all within you!